And he was allowed to control the environment to which she then had to respond in a polite way.Īnd then I really realized that in my own lack of expression of anger, I was modeling very destructive behavior for daughters. But I realized after that this was terrible for both my daughter and this boy, because all the adults had essentially created an environment in which she had to ignore her feelings, not be considered legitimate in her defense of her space and her rights and her work. I got angry and then I did something that many women do, which is to preemptively limit the anger. It would be her kind of expression that would then become somehow made like the false equivalence of what he was doing and what she was doing. I realized that if she acted out in that anger, she would become the problem. Serena Chen You tell this vivid story in your book about how you and your daughter suppressed your anger years ago when your daughter was in preschool and a little boy would knock down her block castle every morning. People don’t tend to look at the source of women’s anger. Serena Chen One of the big themes in your book, Rage Becomes Her, is how women and men are perceived so differently when they get angry. Soraya joins us after trying a practice to help identify and channel feelings of anger, rather than suppressing or feeling bad about them.

Our guest is Soraya Chemaly, an award-winning writer and activist and author of Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger. Today, we’re going to explore how the practice of self-compassion can help us stand up for ourselves after we’ve been wronged. I’m Serena Chen, professor and chair of the psychology department at UC Berkeley, filling in this week for Dacher Keltner. Serena Chen What happens when we suppress anger? And what would happen if we tried to work with it instead? And so then she got really angry.Īnd I realized that if she acted out in that anger, she would become the problem. My daughter tried saying “no” and then she tried body-blocking him and asking him. They’re so destructive, he can’t control himself. And their comment was just a litany of platitudes and stereotypes. And his parents were always there and they never stopped him. Serena Chen My daughter was in preschool, was building castles every morning with blocks and ribbons, and there was just this one child who would every morning come in and knock it down over and over again.

Soraya chemaly rage becomes her